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Shane Watson People-watching

Yes, men are allowed to cry in public. But there are still rules about when and how to do it

Man-crying has come a long way. Who would have thought that the front pages would feature two sporting heroes, blurry with tears, clutching hands, chins trembling, looking not unlike two small boys lost in the woods? Yet that’s exactly what we got this week: Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal, sitting courtside after their Laver Cup doubles final, quietly, restrainedly weeping.

Many years ago there was a national debate about standards of masculinity when Olympic rower Matthew Pinsent broke down after winning gold. Now this image of the titans of tennis, just after losing their match – crucially the last of Federer’s 24-year career – seems unremarkable and touching rather than surprising or disturbing (the old-school response would have been: What next? Men wearing suncream? Getting therapy? Going shopping with their daughters?).

We look at this picture and see two friends facing the end of their careers and life as they know it, contemplating last acts, final curtains, all the good times, all the crowds, being the best of the best, and no one but a few elite athletes ever remotely understanding what it’s been like for them, trying hard to hold it together while not quite managing to do so.

We get all this in one small snapshot and we respect and like them all the more for it.

But that’s not to say there aren’t rules surrounding the when and where of showing emotion, because there are plenty. Mancrying has become 100 per cent acceptable, but the sort of crying, where it happens and how you go about it is crucial. If you’re interested, here’s

CHARLES CRYING

As of now, King Charles III crying is the stiff upper lip standard. When we refer to Charles Crying we mean those occasions when it’s obvious a lot of crying has gone on out of sight, and what we are witnessing is a controlled welling that never quite blossoms into full-blown crying but leaves you in no doubt of the weller’s pain. This is the sort of crying we quite appreciate in our leaders. We would, even now, panic if racking sobs in public were the norm.

ALMOST-BUT-NOT-QUITE CRYING

Very much the one we look for in newsreaders and presenters. Those who are due special commendation following their coverage of the Queen’s funeral include Huw Edwards for his voice-cracking announcement of Her Majesty’s death and Kirsty Young signing off with a lot of sharp intakes of breath. Had Kirsty lost it we wouldn’t have been half so moved: those are the rules of professional broadcasting. Note: Almost But Not Quite Crying is similar to choking up but one degree off, and that’s the achievement we salute.

IN-BITS CHOKING UP

We’re guessing Will Mellor would have described himself as “being in bits” after his first dance in the first episode of Strictly Come Dancing. His electric jive was excellent but then he went and ruined it by burbling on about doing it for his family (it’s the first episode! It’s a dance show!) and choking up. We all know you do Strictly for money, exposure, laughs, weight loss; you work two jobs you hate for your family, and weeping on day one of Strictly is a good example of the sort of crying we do not consider to be progress and would like to see some rowing back on.

DAD CRYING

Barack Obama did some quiet Dad Crying on the occasion of his daughter Malia’s graduation, Gordon Ramsay wept through his daughter’s performances on Strictly, David Beckham “shed a tear” during his speech at son Brooklyn’s wedding.

In these instances, “shedding a tear” is definitely the best way. You don’t want jagging sobs or snottiness. Note: David Beckham also paid his respects to the Queen in Westminster Hall in exemplary fashion, “shedding a tear” and wearing his smart coat rather than comfy sweats. Beckham, suddenly in late 2022, getting everything right again.

VINE CRYING

Jeremy Vine just really goes for it. The other day on air, when talking to his friend who had lost his wife to cancer, he cried openly off and on for about five minutes, no holds barred, which seemed perfect at the time. Recently he sobbed in the witness box when describing the hell he experienced at the hands of a stalker. In short he has become the broadcaster most likely to blub and it’s clear to us that this is just the way he is: not over-emoting but emotional.

WINNING/LOSING CRYING

If you remember, the last Olympics was wall-to-wall crying. The genie is out of the bottle. One of our favourite moments was Tom Daley masked up on the winner’s podium shedding a solitary tear as the national anthem played, but honestly there were too many to pick just one. The key with winning/losing crying is to keep it very, very low-key and if you’re crying because you lost make sure there’s another good reason – for example, you’re retiring/ you have an injury/Covid stopped your mum from being there.

IAN WRIGHT CRYING

Whether it was Ian Wright crying when he was reunited with his teacher Mr Pigden on TV or recalling the positive influence Mr Pidgen had on his life on Desert Island Discs, this has become the best example of why men who have suffered in childhood should cry, and is also the reason why everyone absolutely loves Ian Wright.

INTERVIEW

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2022-10-01T07:00:00.0000000Z

2022-10-01T07:00:00.0000000Z

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